October! Already! By now we are seeing not only a change in the weather and in the flora and fauna, we are seeing a change in our classrooms; we are settling into a routine. Just as the rhythm of the days and of the weeks settle in, so too do the rhythms of social and emotional routines. Children have more or less established who they feel is safe, who they are drawn to, and who challenges them. Within that greater social framework, there will still be adjustments – and sometimes friction – recurring on some interval, as children establish and re-establish their social “pecking order.”
One way that social friction manifests itself is through classroom drama. Someone is ostracized. Someone dominates a group. Someone unfriends another. Someone tells stories (true or not) about others behind their back. “She’s being mean.” Sometimes it is enough to make teachers pray for a day when they can just teach the lessons.
These outbursts of drama are more than just an argument over who gets to be the alpha child’s best friend today. They are, in a sense, Practical Life: experiments in how to successfully negotiate social interactions in a group setting, how to get others to pay attention you and your opinions, how to garner social “clout”.
We humans are hard wired to be social problem solvers; even our body chemistry helps out. Drama, including attempts to preserve or increase our social position, releases adrenaline, a “feel good” chemical. Have you ever known someone who, when there was no drama on the horizon, stirred the pot? We sometimes say that these people are addicted to drama; in actuality, they are addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes with drama.
Does that mean that we have to live with classroom drama? Absolutely not. There are several things we can do to address these behaviors overtly, things that we will examine in future blogs. This week, we look at the bigger picture: combating bad drama by providing opportunities for good drama. Good drama is real, not manufactured. When we are empowered to act, to do something that makes a difference in the face of real need, good drama is created. The truth is that we each want to be heroes of our own story, we just need the right situation and the belief that we can impact the outcome to produce good drama!
We can create opportunities for children to be heroes in their classroom, family, and community every day in a hundred ways. Some are big and some are small, but all add to the child’s ability to see himself as living his best story.
Some come from our studies.
- Do we celebrate everyday academic success? If a child has mastered all of his addition facts, do we take time to recognize his achievement? What about the small group who collaborates on a challenging layout or project? Even something as quick and easy as taking a photo of the children and their completed work helps children be heroes. BONUS: email the photo to the parents!
- Studying mammals or manatees? Many children will become passionate about pet adoption or adopting an endangered species. Every time that we provide stimulus for children to take on a personal project that feeds their passion, especially one that results in action, they can become a hero.
- Studying climate change? Help children recognize that, even at their tender ages, they can make a difference in many varied ways: write letters to those in political power, raise money for reforestation locally or in the Amazon, advocate in their families to commit to actions that decrease their carbon footprint, and many more. We have seen a couple of examples lately of the power of impassioned, empowered children! Not every child will have the opportunity to address the United Nations. But every child can be a hero in his own classroom / family by taking action and encouraging others to do the same.
Some come from our everyday classroom interactions, requiring nothing more than an attention to who is needing to feel like a hero on any given day. Heroes are born from…
- serving others, even in small ways. Last week I was in a classroom where a boy who was having a hard time making friends asked to be the person to bring out the supplies for an activity because he had seen someone else do that the previous day, “… and he was a hero.”
- helping others be successful. When we have a child help another child academically, physically, socially, or emotionally, we are fostering feelings of love and belonging, of nurturing and being nurtured. By recognizing what the helper did with a quick “I noticed” statement, like, “I noticed how confident Charlie felt when you were working with him,” we nurture the child’s inner-hero.
- shining in some special skill or talent. When a child shines publically through sports, or art, or a dramatic presentation to the class, or a leadership opportunity, or a sharing opportunity, we provide an occasion of positive drama.
- internal triggering. Research tells us that when we complete something that was satisfying, that feeling of self-contentment comes from the release of dopamine, a neural reward system. Dopamine triggers the desire to repeat or prolong the activity. If we encourage each child to relish that feeling, either by silently reflecting on each work as he completes it or by taking a self-inventory of what he accomplished at the end of each day, the child can be a hero in his own story on a regular basis. (If you do this, be cautious that children see this as “what made you feel good about this work/day” rather than as a tool for others – mostly adults – to judge whether the child used his time wisely!)
Some come from life.
- Has an authentic need been identified in your local community that fires the passion of a student? Perhaps that child can lead a project to raise awareness or to authentically contribute to getting the need met.
- Whole class service learning/community service, properly contextualized, is almost guaranteed to help children find their inner-hero. When children visit an Assisted Living facility or help prepare food for the homeless, if they understand the underlying problem (loneliness/boredom or the difficulty of meeting basic needs when homeless) children will see how their actions can be heroic. BONUS: when they are able to keep their focus is on the people they are serving (rather than on each other) they can see the difference that they make on the faces of those that they are serving first-hand.
- Natural disasters always surprise those who are directly affected, but they are a predictable part of our lives. When an earthquake, hurricane, fire, flood or other disaster strikes, empower the children to find a way to make a difference. There are always relief efforts following the event; these can provide opportunities to be part of the bigger story even from hundreds or thousands of miles away. Sometimes we can promote involvement at a more personal level. That might mean connecting with a Montessori classroom affected by the disaster. Or it might mean supporting those who are caring for the needs of others, for example, by doing something tangible to support the first responders. One year, my class made care packages of socks, lip balm, electrolyte drinks, and gum for firefighters during a particularly bad fire season. When the fires were out, the firefighters came to visit the children and brought their trucks and gear. And pizza. That day, the children were keenly aware of the difference that they had made in the lives of the firefighters!
Reflection for all: To what extent am I living my best story? In what ways – big and small – have I lived as a hero to myself or to others? Are their people or things that need a hero right now? Am I the person that they need?
Living a better story sometimes involves risk. When we “put ourselves out there”, there is often no guarantee that we will be successful, nor that others will admire our zeal. Does fear that I might not be successful or that others might not share my passion keep me from being bold and trying? If so, what would it take for me to become less concerned about what others think and more concerned about living my best story?
Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.