In the past week or so, I was lucky enough to spend time with delightful teachers and administrators at Selkirk Montessori in Victoria, BC, Canada and at The Montessori Academy of Colorado in Denver. Time with dedicated people who have committed their life’s work to the service of children’s growth and development is always energizing and revitalizing. I am so grateful for these opportunities to be of service. and always surprised at how quickly the end of each day comes!
Now, in the post-InService afterglow, I find myself thinking about things that build us up and things that wear us down. In the classroom, these can happen almost simultaneously: just as we witness an “ah-ha” moment for a child who has long struggled, we are called to mediate a conflict over something that seems trivial or to retrieve a wanderer/disrupter and get her settled into work. Just as we read an email from a grateful parent we realize that we aren’t prepared for the next day’s cultural lesson. How do we stay afloat when conventional wisdom tells us that just a single “darn it” wipes out somewhere between 10 and 1,000 “atta-boys”? Here are a few ideas:
- Proactively identify and celebrate achievements – especially the small ones – to help balance the scales! This is significantly harder than noticing what is not going well; as humans we are hard-wired to be problem solvers so our focus is more naturally drawn to what we need to fix. We actually have to train ourselves to notice what is going well. We might initiate this process by resolving to intentionally recognize just one thing that is going well in our classrooms every day. This one thing might be something that popped up with a great flourish or it might be something that has been gradually, quietly improving a bit week-by-week. As we become more accomplished, we can challenge ourselves to notice several things that are meeting or exceeding our expectations (whether or not they are new happenings) for every situation that we notice that could be improved. In time, our observations will become more naturally well-balanced.
- Acknowledge that we choose how we respond to the situations that we find ourselves in. In fact, the way we manage our reactions to circumstances is one of the few things we authentically control. Our responses, over time and with repetition, become our attitudes and beliefs. When we manage our responses intentionally, we can shape our emotional state of well-being; we can choose whether we will be essentially happy or resentful. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/scientific-proof-that-you_n_4384433?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly9zZWFyY2gueWFob28uY29tLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAJOHx_GHsmIrri5NzcMJQLvby8xHWp0yEirgwcWTBt-KcNsNR5YcO4A788LbVExyLRQwIctCBlNwbtYSvcAs6JgAaPR6N8IfOhNpJEXfMIr5nTdpYFSVUfARA-aC2HZLQxVU2EMPUDVOsSU6LL2VmwDTsxDk8NF3nJ6xK4u7_8Ta
- Recognize that not all things or people that challenge us and wear us down are harmful. There are challenges that seem deeply hurtful or insurmountable in the moment, that in hindsight we realize were important to our own personal or professional growth and development. When my beloved mother decided to move closer to family, I was delighted to help her find an apartment about a mile from our house. It was then that we began to realize that her decision making ability was systematically being robbed by dementia. Over the next few years, she became increasingly dependent, to the point where I had to leave classroom teaching. It was frustrating and disappointing and oh-so-sad. But I now realize that in order to work with her at a time when she was overwhelmed by uncertainty and fear I had to intentionally slow myself down; she taught me compassion and patience.
- Take control over our exposure to interactions that wear us down to no benefit. There are many influences in our society that are intended to put-down one person or segment of society at the expense of another. Most of these are designed to evoke a lot of raw emotion / drama without providing hope for remediation or for a solution. And they are growing. These receive top-billing on the nightly news and on social media. They can also receive top-billing when lunching with co-workers or when standing in line at the grocery. There is actually research on the way that relentless exposure to these life-robbing influences harm our sense of well-being and happiness. http:// https://neurosciencenews.com/politics-stress-sick-14975/ We can choose to tend our sense of well-being by managing our exposure to these outlets: restrict consumption of sound-bite news; limit time on social media; intentionally spend social time in life-affirming discussions and activities.
- Actively build up those around us. It is impossible to bring light into another person’s life without experiencing the light yourself.
- Recognize and eliminate ways in which we expect ourselves, our classrooms, and our children to be perfect. We are human beings working with human beings, not manufactured widgets. As humans, we learn by making mistakes. When we allow our hubris and insecurities to convince us that we will only be loved and admired if we are perfect, we set ourselves and all around us up for misery. When we accept our own errors and those of people around us as well-intentioned temporary missteps, we foster gratitude, forgiveness, and peace.
Reflection for Adults: Authentic gratitude directs our attention to occasions for celebration; it makes our hearts swell just a little. It is very difficult to simultaneously be grateful and critical!! In your personal and/or professional life:
- What/whom do you most appreciate today?
- In hindsight, for what/whom are you now grateful that, when you were embroiled in the thick of it, you saw little or nothing good arising from it.
- Are there things that you would like to remind others to appreciate? Is there something/someone that others seem to be taking for granted which, if it were part of your life today, would bring you joy?
- How can you be a source of gratitude for others today?
Reflection for children: The majority of the reflections for adults are equally well-suited to children. These seem most appropriate:
- What/who do you most appreciate in this moment? This week? This year?
- Are there positive things that are so routinely part of your day or week or life that you can’t imagine being without them? Have you forgotten how special these things are in your life?
- How can you be a source of gratitude for others today?
If you want to be sad, no one in the world can make you happy. But if you make up your mind to be happy, no one and nothing on earth can take that happiness from you.
Paramhansa Yogananda Autobiography of a Yogi