It is that time again, when teachers are anticipating — with some combination of dread and amusement — one of the sweetest holidays of the year: Valentine’s Day. Personally, I love the idea of Valentine’s Day. I think the world would be a better place if we all took time every day to make a small gesture of love and appreciation for significant people in our lives. But, not to be a Valentine’s Grinch, the day has its dark side as well.
While the intent is to celebrate special someone(s) in our lives, undue emphasis on romantic love can also cause feelings of inadequacy, angst, or depression for those who don’t feel that they have special relationships worth celebrating. And, as is the case with many things these days, commercialism has taken root; spending for Valentine’s Day in the US ranks third among the holidays, surpassed only by the combined winter holidays and Mother’s Day. The last several years, Americans have spent between $15 and $20 billion annually on cards, clothes, sweets, flowers, and jewelry. It is truly an industry!
In the classroom, few of us would begrudge an afternoon to honor this cultural tradition, but whatever time we officially allot to it doesn’t really bound the effects; many have noticed a now-predictable uptick in real and speculated crushes, with all of the attendant attention-getting behavior, around this time of year. Preparing for the celebration can also take precious time and resources to pull together (teachers’, children’s and/or parents’). And of course, there is the sugar…
What can we do to help our children enjoy the tradition of Valentine’s Day and begin to bullet-proof them against the negative elements that can creep in to their lives (now and as adults)? Here are a few ideas. If you have other ideas, please share them!
Ditch the commercial decorations! We can honor the tradition without foil hearts, paper bunting or red and pink balloons that go to the landfill on February 15. Instead, rely on kids’ natural inclinations to wear red and pink on the big day, and take decorating ideas from some of the suggested activities below.
De-romanticize the holiday. There are many kinds of love that can be celebrated on this special day. Discuss these with the children by looking at the language of love. The Greeks had 6 distinct words for love: philia (“brotherly love” between friends), eros (appreciation for the beauty in someone or for beauty itself), agape (an active love, giving of oneself), storge (tenderness towards a young one, especially from parents to children or between people and young animals), pragma (an outward, visible model of love like a long marriage), and philautia (the love of self). As you discuss the different kinds of love, children’s contribution to the discussion might suggest any number of meaningful activities that emphasize kind and healthy relationships. Here are a few ideas:
Celebrate with an Octave (8 days) of Random Acts of Kindness. Emphasize the love that is selflessly giving of oneself: agape. Each day, each person in the environment is encouraged to do a random act of kindness for someone else in the environment. For extra fun, try to do it anonymously. Whenever someone does a random act of kindness, without waiting to see if the recipient recognizes or acknowledges it, s/he places a marble in a collection jar. Each day at some point in the day, pause to acknowledge the growing kindness in the classroom. (Want to tie it more overtly to Valentine’s day? Use red marbles of a heart-shaped token of some kind. Place the collection jar to serve also as a decorative centerpiece.)
Celebrate with an Attitude of Gratitude. Ask the children to think of what traits they most appreciate in their parents or other significant people in their life. Is it their kindness? Their humor? Their willingness to hold the line? Their generosity of time or of spirit? Their spontaneous nature? With the children, brainstorm ideas for ways to express their appreciation. It could be an art/practical life project, like decorating terra cotta pots with symbols/words that capture that appreciated trait, planting a spring bulb inside. It could be a writing project, like a letter or an illustrated quote or poem (original or researched). If these projects are started early in the week, as they are completed, children can elect to display them in a designated place in the classroom; they decorate the classroom until they are given to the recipient.
Celebration with a festival of beauty. The Greeks recognized that the appreciation of beauty, eros, was a form of love. Through discussion, heighten children’s awareness of the beauty around them, whether it is the classroom environment, in nature, in studies (like the beauty of geometry), or elsewhere. Set aside time on Thursday when children share the most beautiful thing they experienced this week. (For “bonus points”, share this week’s focus with art and music specialists; they will undoubtedly have something to contribute.)
Explore our natural empathy for the young (Storge). Partner with a teacher from a younger classroom to develop a service opportunity for the week (which might extend to something more during the rest of the year). Or explore children’s natural love of animals. Might this turn into service learning? A donation from the class to adopt an endangered animal? Collecting needed goods for an animal shelter?
Ditch the sugar! We always celebrated the sugar holidays (Halloween and Valentine’s Day) with field trips to bowl or roller skate, but you don’t have to leave school to emphasize collaborative play! Replace cookie decorating with games that involve movement. Ask the PE teacher for suggestions or create your own. Something as simple as relay races with red bean bags or carrying red puff balls on a spoon will get kids moving, releasing mood-elevating and mind-boosting chemicals. (For “bonus points”, children can sew bean-bags as a Practical Life activity early in the week.) If space limitations preclude this kind of activity, get outside and give a Valentine to the Earth: go on a trash-walk or do a playground beautification project.
Practice philia through inclusion during valentine exchange. An equitable policy that children can readily understand says that if you bring a valentine for one person, you bring them for all. (Be sure that the parents know the policy as well!) If there is something special that you want to give to just one person or a small group of friends, that must take place outside of school. “Just think how excited your friend will be to get something from you in the mail!” A related classroom management tip: Have children distribute valentines at the end of the day and take them home to open and enjoy. It diminishes opportunities to compare what people received in the event that someone didn’t heed the policy and brought valentines only for some, or brought lavish valentines for some and more humble offerings for others. A more labor-intensive way to practice philia is to create appreciation booklets for each child. It is easy enough to create the template in WORD”
Insert a table that is 2 columns wide. Make the height of each cell large enough that there are only 3 rows on a page. Create as many cells as you have children in your class.
Type, One thing I appreciate about is… and paste it into the upper left-hand corner of each cell.
Replace the ___ in each cell with the name of one child in the class.
On Monday, copy and distribute a packet to each child in the class. Each child writes what they appreciate about each classmate his/her cell. When they come to the box with their own name, they decorate it rather than writing anything in the cell. It will later serve as the cover to their booklet
When children turn in their completed packet on Tuesday, be sure to check the responses to be sure that all will be well received. (One year I had a child write that they appreciated that another child was weird. I felt we needed to elaborate on that sentiment…)
When all of the packets are complete, cut the cells apart and sort them by name.
Assemble them into booklets so that each child receives anonymous expressions of appreciation from all of his/her classmates. Uses the self-decorated cell as a cover.
Distribute them to the children while other children are distributing valentines, to be taken home and enjoyed. A former student shared with me that she so treasured her appreciation booklet that she took it with her to college.
Inspire Valentine’s themed research. Some may enjoy reading and reporting on how Valentine’s Day came to be. Some may delight in studying and practicing flower arranging or learning about horticulture. Some may find the process of making confections tasty! Perhaps February can be Heart Health month in your class. Are there guest speakers who have expertise in any of these areas, who might enjoy visiting the class? (Hint: if you want to invite a florist, wait until after Valentine’s Day – or book them now for next January!)
Reflection for Children and Adults: Whatever activities or discussions you have implemented, consider how they have broadened your definition of love. In what ways have you experienced love as more than just an emotion this week? In what ways have you experienced love as a verb?
Additional Reflection for Adults: Did this week’s activities suggest any way of inspiring ongoing expressions of love within the classroom or from the class to others? Any future service-learning that the children will find compelling?
If you live in the Pacific Northwest, I will be speaking at the Vancouver Island Montessori Association (VIMA) Conference May 10-11, 2019. My talk is entitled Direction and Redirection. It is all about establishing and nurturing positive behavioral norms in the classroom.
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
– Eden Ahbez