In Montessori, much of what we do involves setting the stage for children to become their best selves academically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. We do not normalize children; we create the environment that best enables them to normalize themselves. Our procedures and expectations foster independence, empowering children to take responsibility for decision-making and encouraging creativity and innovation. Even our lessons are designed to entice the child, to sow the seeds of interest.
“Our care of the child should be governed not by the desire to make him learn things, but by the endeavor always to keep burning within him that light which is called intelligence.”
Spontaneous. Activity in Education, Clio, 185
Modern Cultural Norms in Opposition
In marked contrast, many of modern society’s cultural norms emphasize the importance of control over various aspects of life. This is particularly true of Western cultures.
- Individualistic culture: the prioritization or even glorification of individual achievement drives the belief that we alone are responsible for our success, and that the key is controlling all aspects of our lives to compete favorably with others.
- Productivity culture: the idea that our value is measured by what we produce drives the belief that we must control every aspect of our daily life to maximize our productivity.
- Self-optimization culture: the self-improvement market fuels the belief that controlling every aspect of our daily life can lead to perfection, and thus, happiness. (In 2023, the estimated value of the self-improvement market was over $40 billion.)
- Instant gratification culture: with on-demand access to information and social media, we are accustomed to getting what we want when we want it. This drives the belief that we should be able to control our environment, experiences, and even our social interactions.
- Social comparison culture: constant comparison to others’ curated, seemingly perfect lives drives the belief that being in control of our appearance, lifestyle, and activities is crucial to happiness and validation.
Swimming Against the Current
Is it any wonder that a pedagogy that measures success by the level of independence of the children is considered counter-cultural?
“The greatest sign of success for a teacher… is to be able to say, ‘’The children are now working as if I did not exist.’ ”
The Absorbent Mind
With so many cultural norms pushing us towards the desire to control everyone and everything in our lives, if we want to remain true to our radical pedagogy, it is important to periodically examine and reclaim our counter-cultural roots. Fortunately, we can often find good support from contemporary resources.
Stephen Covey, an American educator and author, developed a model to help us understand what we can control what we cannot. Having that understating helps us focus our efforts where we will be most effective and minimizes the stress that comes from trying to control things that we cannot.
Circles of Influence and Concern
Covey’s model consists of two concentric circles:
- Circle of Concern This circle includes everything you care about or that affects you over which you have no control. Examples could include world events, the economy, other people’s behavior, or natural disasters.
- Circle of Influence Inside the larger Circle of Concern is the smaller Circle of Influence, which contains all the things you can affect by your actions, words, and ideas. These might include your home, neighborhood, and classroom environments, your health, your work, your relationships, people and organizations that are impacted by your activism, or anyone who looks to you for advice or modeling.
I add a third concentric circle to the model. The Circle of Control is a tiny spec at the very center, which includes your thoughts, actions, words, and decisions.
When we focus our energy and efforts on things in our Circle of Concern, we tend to feel frustrated, anxious, and powerless because these concerns are beyond our direct influence. We live reactively – constantly fighting forces without seeing the change we desire. Others see us as being ineffective when, despite great effort, little we do has impact.
By comparison, focusing on the Circle of Influence allows us to take proactive actions in areas where we can make a difference. Seeing our efforts bear fruit releases dopamine and other “feel good” chemicals, bringing us a sense of fulfillment and the desire to “do it again!”. Over time, as we exert sway in these areas, our Circle of Influence tends to grow, allowing us to have even greater impact. This leads to greater empowerment, reduced stress, and improved well-being.
Applying the Model in “Real Life”
The model becomes a practical tool when we use it as a lens through which we view things that have captured our attention. For example, Climate Change is something in many people’s Circle of Concern these days. While you cannot solve the problem of Climate Change, you can act within your Circle of Influence: reduce your carbon footprint and/or advocate for environmental policies that can affect levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide. Your actions are within your direct control and may influence how others respond to the issue of Climate Change.
Applying the Model in the Montessori Classroom
There are many important aspects of school life that capture our attention. The way that we respond to these determines how effective we will be, which in turn determines how satisfied we will feel with our efforts. At first, this may be easier said than done. But over time, like any new habit, our response can become fairly automatic. Here are a couple of practical examples:
Standardized Testing: assessments using a prescribed test on specified dates are required in most schools.
- Circle of Concern actions might include worrying about lost instructional time or the developmental appropriateness of the testing platform. Sharing these concerns with parents or administration, neither of whom have the ability to change the testing requirements, is also a Circle of Concern response.
- Circle of Influence actions might include enthusiastically preparing the children for the testing platform and for academic content, creating a fun atmosphere around testing, and preparing parents for testing day (what to do and not to do to support their child). A next-level Circle of Influence act might be working with the district/state to examine and reform testing requirements for next year.
How Parent(s) Parent: parents don’t always make the same choices for their children that we wish they would.
- Circle of Concern actions might include ascribing intent to parents’ choices, which leads to judging/blaming parents’ motives or abilities. Sharing the situation with other teachers/parents who have no more ability to act than we do is a Circle of Concern act, which draws others into their Circle of Concern.
- Circle of Influence actions might include conducting Parent Education sessions on topics of guardian interest like child development, redirecting children’s misbehavior, and other related subjects. It might also include tucking one pertinent parenting tip into each newsletter, and/or providing extra support for affected child/ren in the classroom. A next-level Circle of Influence act might be speaking quietly and privately with the parent, providing kind, concrete, actionable suggestions.
Please note that if the aspect or the parent is sensitive, it is vitally important to inform the administration of what you plan to say before meeting with parent.
If the aspect that has caught your attention presents a serious concern for the child’s safety, reporting concerns to school administration and to Social Services is mandatory. Reporting is a Circle of Influence action!
Of course, this represents just two aspects of day-to-day school life where we can overreach and begin to operate from our Circle of Concern. There are many more aspects that might benefit from intentionally choosing Circle-of-Influence actions: new policies or school-wide procedures; styles teaching/redirecting students that vary from one classroom to the next; equitable distribution of playground duty among the staff; holiday celebrations; dress codes; and a score of others.
Applying the Model with Montessori Children
Imagine if all of the children in our Montessori classrooms understood this model and routinely applied their energy to things in their Circle of Influence! What a difference that might make!
Presenting and discussing the model in a Grace-and-Courtesy lesson is a great first step. Ask the children about aspects of school life that might draw them into their Circle of Concern. What are they and what might be a good alternative? They might come up with some really interesting examples! Here are a few, just to prime the pump:
- Circle of Concern action: making someone be your friend or eat snack with you.
- Circle of Influence action: being a good and kind friend who others see as someone they want as a friend.
- Circle of Concern action: excluding a particular child from the group or by creating artificial rules for membership in a clique.
- Circle of Influence: spending time with children with whom you have common interests and whose company you enjoy.
- Circle of Concern action: complaining to an adult about what another student is doing that bothers you.
- Circle of Influence action: removing yourself from the annoying situation or talking directly to the student with the bothersome behavior, describing how it impacts you and asking them to modify their behavior.
Of course, just explaining and discussing the model will not be sufficient for children establish a new paradigm about how they spend their time and energy. The new habit will become a bit more ingrained every time you respond to a situation by asking children to consider where they are putting their energy What can they do to proactively manage the situation?
Reflection for Adults:
Make a list of the top 3 most frustrating things in your classroom environment. Write them down. Really.
Frustration, at its core, is the result of unsuccessfully trying to control something or someone. Create a 2-column chart. Choose one of the items on your list. In one column, list of every way that you can influence the situation. In the other column, write everything that you cannot.
Reflect on the column of things in your Circle of Influence. Are you using your influence to its best advantage. Changing what you can or waiting for others to change first? Exercising your influence with the people who can actually affect change or merely gathering support for your frustration?
Now reflect on the column of things in your Circle of Concern. How can you accept that these things are beyond your ability to impact them, accept them, and move on?
Reflection for Children (following a lesson on Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control):
Create a diagram of the Circles of Concern, Influence, and Control. Write or draw some examples of things that fall in each circle.
Classroom Management note: this may bear the most fruit if done collaboratively, using the largest paper available, and then hung in a visible location for a few weeks. From this point on, whenever frustrations arise, ask the children involved to reflect on the true source of their frustration.