Anyone (child or adult) who has ever been in the classroom with me has heard my discussion about the importance of monitoring self-talk. It goes something like this: when you make a declarative statement about yourself (“I am so forgetful / capable / overwhelmed / smart / stressed…”) that self-assertion goes straight from your mouth into your ear where your sub-conscious brain interprets it as fact whether the statement is actually is true or not. It weaves that “factoid” into your self-image. Your brain then works to make your thoughts, actions, and words conform with your self-image. In essence, whether your self-talk is positive or negative, your brain believes that it is true and actively works to make it so. Or as Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”
This came to mind when I was attending a workshop at AMS, in which Dr. Laura Flores Shaw (The Montessori White Papers) shared the results of her study involving building a common understanding of normalization. Not surprisingly, she found that teachers’ beliefs about their ability to affect student behaviors, performance, and outcomes were self-fulfilling. Those who believe that they can affect normalization can, and those who believe that they can’t affect normalization cannot. But more intriguing than that, she said that teachers with a low sense of personal teaching efficacy engaged in more controlling behaviors with children, while those with a high sense of personal teaching efficacy fostered students’ development and self-regulated learning.
This deeply resonated with me. Many years of observations have shown me that classrooms in which teachers try to control students’ behaviors were among the least normalized classrooms that I visited. I had not made the leap to realize that the adults’ controlling behavior stemmed from a lack of faith and trust in their personal ability to affect the classroom culture, as was shown in Dr. Shaw’s research. Now that it has been pointed out, I find it a short and intuitive leap. It is hard to trust the children when you do feel you cannot trust yourself and your abilities!
The ramifications of this truth reach well beyond classroom management. Those who believe that they are not good at math or that they are too old to learn a new skill or that they aren’t entitled to be treated with respect will subconsciously work to be sure that their life experiences match their beliefs.
The good news is that, as we have discussed in many different contexts, the brain is malleable – we can change our paradigms. It won’t happen overnight, but if we mindfully, intentionally change our self-image, our attitudes, behaviors, and actions will follow. Here is a process that has worked for many, with sample self-talk illustrating changing a paradigm that “I am not good at math.”
- Consciously, overtly acknowledge that your existing belief is not serving you well, and is likely not true. “I used to believe that I am not good at math – that I couldn’t trust myself to do it or teach it. Now I know that is not true. Whatever part of me still believes that is mistaken, and makes me unnecessarily cautious or fearful of engaging with math. That is holding me back from my intent to become a confident mathematician. I choose today to let go of that belief and build a more accurate picture of myself as a capable mathematician.”
- Practice active, positive, regular (at least daily) affirmations. Some find success with writing affirmations on a post-it note, so that they engage with it first and last thing every day. “I have a precise, ordered, and intelligent brain. I trust that it is well suited to anything I want to understand, including math. I enjoy learning and applying math skills. Every day, math comes more naturally to me than it did the day before.”
- Set your lens to actively watch for times when you manifest the characteristic or belief that you are moving towards. You are already good at noticing every occurrence that reinforces what you perceive to be your deficit; that needs no additional focus. Catch yourself doing it courageously and/or doing it right. Acknowledging new behaviors and actions will reinforce your changing self-image. Watch for occasions throughout the day when you effortlessly demonstrate math skills or knowledge. In all likelihood, it happens dozens of times each day, but the paradigm that you are “not good at math” rejects those occurrences as flukes and won’t let you acknowledge them.Acknowledge each occasion, even those that seem small. Also, be attentive to those times when something in you shrinks back from math. It might manifest as nerves when thinking about a particular lesson that you need to give, or as a reluctance to balance your checkbook, or as finding a calculator to do even the simplest operations. Thank your amazing brain for trying to protect you, and reassure it that there really is nothing to fear. Perhaps you can visualize whatever you are shrinking from a boggart – an amortal being that represents your fears – rather than as something that can actually cause you harm. With gratitude to J. K. Rowling, point your intention in the boggart’s direction, thinking, “Riddikulus!” Transform your fear into something that makes you laugh, overwhelming and banishing the fear, freeing you up to courageously act. And celebrate your triumph over fear!
- As your self-image, attitudes, behaviors, and actions begin to improve, make your affirmations more powerful. “I trust my mathematical instincts and see myself as becoming more and more accomplished in math.” Ultimately, make your affirmation conform to the self-image that you are building, “As a capable mathematician, I enjoy opportunities to use math and to help others math enjoy and appreciate math.”
- One day, when you realize that you have built the new paradigm that you wanted, thank your brain for its malleability. And go on to conquer something else that is holding you back from realizing your full awesomeness.
Reflection for adults wanting to enhance classroom normalization: Montessori said that normalization is characterized by love of work, concentration, self-discipline, and sociability (sentiments of help and sympathy for others in the community). What do I believe about my ability to improve the classroom culture in these four areas?
Stop to reflect on each of the characteristics of normalization before proceeding.
When considering my ability to affect the classroom culture, did my thoughts tend more towards the form, “How can I make kids love their work more?” or more towards the form, “What in the children’s lessons and work inspires or entices them and how can I do more of that?” Similarly, what form did my thoughts take on children’s concentration, discipline, and sociability? Did they point towards my use of more controlling behaviors or towards my fostering children’s self-regulation? What does this suggest about the level of trust I place in my ability to affect the culture? NOTE: the answer will likely vary from one aspect of normalization to another – one might feel quite efficacious in fostering children’s sense of community membership and empathy towards one another, but far less efficacious in creating an environment in which children develop self-discipline.
Choose one characteristic of normalization. What is my current paradigm about my contribution to the children’s love of work, concentration, self-discipline, OR sociability? What do I want it to become?
NEXT STEPS: first acknowledge that your current paradigm is not serving you well and release it. Then design an affirmation that defines what you want your new paradigm to be and a way to remember to practice your affirmation at least daily. Set your lens to actively watch for times when you manifest the characteristic or belief that you are moving towards, and modify your affirmations as you grow.
Reflection for children and for adults wanting to address a specific aspect of their self-image: Today we learned about how our self-image shapes our thoughts, actions, and words. At various points throughout the year, you have reflected on things that you are good at and things that you would like to improve. Let’s combine the two ideas in today’s reflection.
Think of something that you see yourself as being good at. It might be something intellectual or academic, something social, or something emotional.
Can you remember a time when you tried something in that area that you knew would be challenging? When we attempt something that we know will be hard, but which we believe we have the ability to accomplish, it is likely to make us feel excited. Were you excited about the new challenge?
Now consider something that you would like to improve. Again, it might be something intellectual or academic (like our math example), something social (like being good at making new friends), or something emotional (like having a better response when losing at a game). When you think about taking on a new challenge in that area, does it make you excited or does it make you feel unsure or fearful?
If you felt excited in the first scenario and unsure in the second, there is probably something about the way you see your ability to improve in that second area that is holding you back. Remember that improvement isn’t so much about your current skills and abilities, but more about how much you trust your ability to improve your current skills and abilities.
What do you believe about your ability to improve your skills/abilities in this area? What do you imagine that people for whom this an area of strength believe about their ability to improve their skills/abilities? (How do people who are good at math feel about their ability to get better at math?)
In what ways would it be different if you trusted your ability to improve? What would you try if you knew that it would make a difference?
If you believe that having more trust in your ability to improve would make a positive difference in your life, write your own statement that says that you are choosing to let go of the old paradigm and your first affirmation of what you want your new paradigm to be.
How can you remember to practice your new affirmation at least daily and to watch for and expect change? (If this is being undertaken as a class, consider adding a classroom job to remind everyone to practice their affirmations – perhaps at the beginning of the morning and the beginning of the afternoon.)
“Within you is a fountain of wisdom. And you sell yourself short every time you allow some authority to define your limitations and cage your potential. Even if that authority lives in your head.”
― Vironika Tugaleva, The Art of Talking to Yourself